Higher Ways Than Ours

James Carter has died. How do the Carter family members cope? Anna Parks won the 2021 Circle C Annual contest, so this new story has earned its place her. It's 14,000 words, way too long for a contest story or fan fiction. It's a heartwarming behind-the scenes look at Andi's family during a tragic time. 

Part 1 – Melinda’s Story: What If I Fail?

October 1874

Melinda shot up in bed, listening carefully for the sound that had awakened her. This was not the first time she had been disturbed in the middle of the night. Ever since Father had died, Andi had been having nightmares, and because of the door connecting their rooms, that inevitably meant Melinda was dragged from a sound sleep as well. Sure enough, the sounds of muffled crying came from the next room. Quietly, so as not to disturb anyone else, Melinda stood up and grabbed her housecoat.

Andi looked up from her pillow when Melinda and her light entered the bedroom. Her hair was strewn all around her, and her face was red and puffy from crying.

“Hey,” Melinda said softly, sitting down on the edge of her sister’s bed. “What’s wrong? Another bad dream?”

Andi nodded, sniffling. “I was so alone, Melinda. Everybody left me. Father died and Mother died and Justin and Chad and Mitch and you all left me. I was all alone.”

Melinda’s heart melted in sympathy. “Oh, Andi, you’re not alone. Mother’s not going to die and the boys and I aren’t going to leave you. Besides, even if we did, you’re not alone. Jesus is with you.”

“I know that,” Andi whispered, silent tears still trickling down her cheeks. “But sometimes I just forgot.”

Melinda wrapped her arms around her little sister, holding her close in a comforting embrace. “You’re okay. I’m here. Would you like for me to sing to you until you fall asleep again?”

Andi popped her thumb in her mouth and nestled close in her big sister’s warmth. “Mmm hmm.”

Laying her cheek on her sister’s dark head, Melinda closed her eyes and began to sing a hymn she had heard in church the previous Sunday.

            My Jesus, I love Thee, I know Thou art mine.

            For Thee, all the follies of sin I resign

            My gracious redeemer, my Savior art Thou;

            If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ‘tis now.

She glanced down at her sister. Tears still streaked Andi’s pixie face, but there was a hint of a smile there also and she was sleeping peacefully. Gently disentangling herself, Melinda tucked the sleeping girl under her covers again and kissed her gently on the forehead.

“Sweet dreams, little sister,” she murmured as she collected the lamp and slipped out of the room. Once she was on her own side of the door, she sat down on the edge of her bed and sighed. She was too awake by now to go to sleep right away, and she decided to use the time to work on a letter to Justin.

  October 14, 1874

Dear Justin,                                                                                       

How are you?  We are doing well, although I miss you terribly. Mother’s headaches only seem to get worse by the day, and I am greatly concerned about her health. Every time I mention it to Chad, however, he tells me that they will get better as time goes on and she begins to accept the grief. I don’t think that he believes it himself, though. You can always tell in his eyes when he’s saying something he doesn’t  believe himself.

Chad has grown extremely busy with the ranch now that Father is gone, and it takes up all of his time these days. He says that he wants to get everything right, and I believe him, but it also doesn’t hurt that it keeps him busy. His temper is shorter than ever, but I learned after what happened with Kate that this is just his way of dealing with hurt he won’t show.

Mitch is being run ragged trying to finish his last year of grammar school and help out enough on the ranch. Chad seems to forget how much homework eighth graders have, and he works Mitch like crazy. It’s a wonder we haven’t all gone crazy yet. He still talks about college, but I think that he knows by now that he’ll have to study for the entrance exams on his own. He can do it, though; he still gets high marks in all of his subjects.

Andi is very lonely, and likely misses you the most. She has told me often that you’re “almost as good as Father” in every way. She has been having nightmares, and her latest one was that she was all alone. Father and Mother were dead and we had all left her. I can’t help but feel that to a certain extent, that is true. Mother is certainly still here, but her headaches keep her in bed from morning on most days. Chad doesn’t have time for her, Mitch and I have so much to do, and you have left to live in Sacramento. I know that what she feels isn’t entirely true, but it still has some merit.

I wish that you would come home for good, Justin. I know that you have work to do in Sacramento, but surely the new town of Fresno will need lawyers too. I miss you, and I think that all of us could benefit greatly from you being home again. Chad doesn’t always do well as the man of the house; he gets too focused on his projects. You look after all of us and help keep the peace. You’re a good oldest brother, and we miss you severely when you aren’t here.

Please come home Justin. If not to stay, at least for a few months. We need you here.

Your loving sister,

Melinda Jane Carter

After she finished the letter, she folded it carefully and tucked it into an envelope. Once it was morning, she would ask Mitch for a stamp and see if he would mail it for her. She sat down on the edge of her bed and glanced at the clock: 3:15 in the morning, more than an hour after Andi’s nightmare. It was safe to go to sleep now. Throwing one final glance around the room, turned down the lamp and closed her eyes.

***************

“Melinda, grab your books, we’re going to be late for school!”

Mitch’s loud call bounced up the stairs and into Andi’s bedroom, where Melinda was helping her younger sister make her bed.

“Good job, Andi. Now make sure that you do your chores, okay?  Mother looked like she wasn’t feeling very well this morning, and she’ll probably have a headache later today. Don’t bother her or give her any unnecessary trouble. Play with your ark, and build a ranch so I can see it after school.”

“ ‘Kay Melinda, I will. Have fun at school.”

“I will. ‘Bye Andi, I love you.”

As Melinda scurried down the stairs towards the door Mitch was holding for her, she heard her sister’s answering call.

“I love you too, Melinda. Come back as soon as you can.”

She hazarded a glance behind her as she slipped through the doorway. Andi stood at the top of the stairs, a brave smile on her face. Despite her best attempts, two tears were trickling down her cheeks. Melinda’s heart swelled with compassion.

“Mitch, look at her. Maybe I shouldn’t go today. She’ll be all alone.”

Mitch also turned to look, and Melinda could tell by the look on his face that he felt his sister’s pain.

“We can’t,” he said sadly, “Mother insists that we not neglect our schooling. And if we don’t hurry, we’ll be late, and Miss Hall will be upset.”

A thought struck Melinda. “Can she come with us?”

He caught her gaze and shook his head. “What would she do all day?”

“Well,” Melinda swallowed and raised her hand to wave one final time. “Maybe Chad will take her riding when he comes for the noon meal.”

“Maybe,” Mitch agreed

**********

Andi’s pitiful face stayed with Melinda the entire day. She couldn’t shake the knowledge that their current family schedule was fueling her sister’s nightmares. It was certainly not Mother’s fault about her headaches, and she couldn’t help the fact that she and Mitch had to go to school, but maybe Chad would be able to have more time to give to Andi during the day. If only Kate was still here, maybe she would—

She caught herself and forced all thoughts of her older sister from her mind. Kate was a forbidden subject, and she should have known better. She shouldn’t have even been thinking about her at all, let alone mentioned her in a letter to Justin. She sorely regretted sealing up that letter and giving it to Mitch this morning, she should have erased the reference first.

But Justin would surely understand. He ought to know how much she missed her and how greatly she wished that Kate was here right now, helping. She would have been some company for Andi, even if she was causing trouble, and she would have helped ease Mother’s burden as well. Melinda had been trying her hardest, but she wasn’t as good as Kate in the kitchen.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Mitch’s voice broke through Melinda’s musings. “Just thinking about Mother, and especially Andi. She looked so alone this morning when we left her before school.”

He nodded in agreement, fixing his gaze on some unseen point.

“Mitch?”

“Hmm?”

“What if I’m not good enough?  What if I mess up and Luisa gets in over her head and Chad yells at me and Andi has another nightmare?  What if I can’t fill Mother’s shoes like I’m supposed to?  What if I fail?”

The thought made her want to pull herself inside a tiny shell and stay there forever.

Mitch was quiet for a moment, watching her face.

“Well,” he said finally. “I don’t know that anyone is expecting you to fill Mother’s shoes. Not me or Chad or Justin or Luisa or even Mother herself. I know it’s hard, you see a need and you want to fill it, it’s just who you are, but it’s not all on you.

“You are not responsible for Chad’s temper or Andi’s nightmares or Luisa’s work. You are responsible for you, and for the things God has given you to take care of. You aren’t responsible for everyone in our house. You don’t have to be Mother for the rest of us, and no one expects you to be. I know I certainly don’t.

“You’re ten years old, Mel. You aren’t even close to grown up yet. I know that Father’s death and Mother’s headaches aren’t what any of us expected, but that is not your fault. God is the one who allowed those things, and He says that “as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” That means that He has allowed it, and He has a perfect plan that will come out of it.

“Andi’s nightmares aren’t your responsibility, that’s something you can lay on His shoulders. He can take it far better than you can, because He is sovereign over all of it. You don’t have to be afraid of failing, because you aren’t responsible for your successes. His plans are higher than ours, and everything that has happened these past several weeks are all a part of His perfect plan.

“He loves you, Mel. And He wants the best for you. It may not look like you would have done it, but that’s because His ways are higher than ours. Does that make sense?”

Melinda nodded, wiping away a tear that had slid down her cheek. “Thanks, Mitch. I sometimes forget that it’s not all on me. Thanks for reminding me of what I need to remember. I love you so much, Mitch. I’m glad you’re my brother.”

A smile cracked his face. “I love you too, Mel. A man couldn’t ask for a better sister.”

Part 2 – Andi’s Story: Never Alone

Andi cracked open the door of her bedroom and poked her head out. The hall was deserted, just like normal. Justin was living in Sacramento now, and Chad worked all the time. Mitch and Melinda would be back from school soon, but where was Mother?  After pulling on her boots, she crept down the hallway and peeked into Mother and Father’s room. Well, Mother’s room now. Mother lay on the bed, the curtains drawn and a cold cloth on her forehead.

Andi shut the door quietly and walked to the top of the stairs. Glancing around to make sure no one was watching her, she slid down the banister railing and landed with a thump at the bottom. Picking herself up, she strode into the kitchen.

Luisa was surrounded by pots of applesauce and open jars were everywhere. As soon as Andi walked into the kitchen, she began scolding in rapid-fire Spanish.

“Ay no, seΓ±orita. ¡Vete fuera!”

Andi snagged an apple and backed out the door. “Lo siento, Luisa. I’ll go outside.” As she turned around in the foyer, she ran smack into Melinda. “Oof.”

“Sorry Andi. I have to go change clothes so I can help Luisa with applesauce. She’ll need all the help she can get, especially if Mother’s not feeling well.”

“By the way, Andi,” Mitch called from the top of the stairs. “How is Mother?”

Andi reached for the front door. “She has another headache.”

“Alright. Thanks. Are you going outside?” Mitch answered his own question without even drawing another breath. “Good. That’s very considerate, choosing to go outside so that she can rest.”

He winced as irritated shouting floated through the open door. “Well, I’d best change out of my school clothes and get ready to work before Chad brings the house down. See you at supper, sis.”

“Bye.” Andi pulled the door shut behind her, escaping into the freedom of the yard. She headed for the barn to find Coco so they could go riding. The weather felt good, and she wanted to ride with her thoughts.

After tacking Coco, she mounted up before it occurred to her that she was supposed to tell someone before she rode, someone meaning Chad or Mother. But Mother had another headache, and Chad had sounded angry when he was yelling for Mitch.

But just the other day Chad had told her to stop telling him when she was going riding. He said that she could take care of herself, and she just needed to be back home before the sun went down.

“Well in that case Coco, what are we waiting for?” She smiled to herself, nudging her pony into a walk.

********************

After an hour or so, they reached a stream that was gurgling happily. Coco seemed thirsty, so she dismounted and let him drink. While he grazed, she laid back on the grass to think.

Justin was still in Sacramento, and Chad said that he lived there now. Justin had said that it was going to be like when he was away at law school, where they would see each other sometimes but not a lot. Justin had left before Father died, but she only really began to notice how much she missed her older brother after the accident. When Justin had held her at the funeral, it almost felt like Father. Almost, but not quite.

Everyone else was too busy trying to change their schedules to worry about her. That was good, she supposed. Fewer people trying to boss her around. But she was worried about Mother and her headaches. Andi knew that they weren’t getting any better, and they had started after Father died. Would Mother die too, and leave her here all alone?  She didn’t want to be all alone, it scared her.

She had woken up the other night after a bad dream and felt all alone again. Melinda had heard her though and came in to sing to her. Melinda would take care of her, Andi was sure. But Melinda still had school to do every day, and next year she was supposed to go to girl’s school in San Francisco. That was almost as far away as Sacramento. If Melinda went to girl’s school, who would be left to take care of her?

She was disrupted from her pondering by Coco’s face in hers. As she pushed away his small brown head and stood up, she gasped in horror. It was almost dark. The sun had gone down while she was thinking, and she would have to hurry to be home in time for supper.

Grabbing her hat, she scrambled up onto Coco’s back and kicked him to go. He began to amble along at the same slow pace as always, and she prodded him a little harder. He was not going any faster. She sighed and focused on trying to figure out which direction she should go in.

Half an hour later, the sun had finally gone down, and Andi was forced to admit that she was lost. She pulled Coco to a stop beside a large rock so that she could climb it and see where she was. Unfortunately, she couldn’t see home from here. In fact, it had gotten even colder since she had left the meadow with the creek. The mountains looked a lot bigger from here, and she realized that she had gone the wrong way. Instead of leaving the mountains behind and descending into the valley, she had begun to climb deeper into the foothills.

In a panic, she mounted Coco again and was about to try and find her way home when she remembered what Father had told her once.

Andrea, if you ever get lost, just stay put and the boys and I will come and find you. If you try to go home on your own, it’ll just make our job harder. Just stay where you are and we’ll come to you.

Father wasn’t here anymore, but surely the boys would come for her soon. Until then, she could lie down on this rock and rest. Coco wouldn’t go far without her.

With darkness now blanketing the sky, she began to see strange shadows all around her. Pulling her knees close to her body, she closed her eyes to wait for her brothers.

*********************

“Father, please can I help you with roundup this time?” Andi turned her big blue eyes up into the kind face of Father, hoping with all her might that he would say yes.

Jim Carter just laughed as they drew to a halt near a makeshift wooden corral. “Not this time, Andrea. Let the boys and I go. But I promise that after we’ve corralled all of the stock, I’ll help you practice your roping on any newborn calf you want.”

“That’s right, Andi,” Mitch chimed in. “You have to be a good roper before you can help with roundup. Watch us this year, and maybe you’ll be able to help next year.”

Andi frowned as Father put her on the ground. “Well, maybe. If I watch very carefully, can I ride home with you, Mitch?  I want to race like the wind.”

Mitch laughed, tugging on her braid. “Alright, little sister, we’ll have to see about that.”

“Watch carefully, Andi, and don’t leave this fence. If you climb up on the top rail, you’ll have the best view out of everyone.” Chad tugged her other braid before mounting again.

“We’ll be back in a little while, Andrea, and then we’ll rope that calf. Stay on the fence rail. I love you.”

“I love you too, Father. I’ll be waiting for you.”

Andi stood on her tiptoes to peer into the swirling cloud of dust. As she squinted her eyes, she saw her brothers riding toward the middle of the herd, and Father coming on the front side. The cattle bellowed their frustration but were moving along obediently.

Suddenly, there was a loud shout from the rear of the herd. Andi frowned. Someone was going to get in trouble. Everybody knew it was dangerous to yell near a bunch of frustrated cattle. They were bound to get spooked and stampede. Father was going to be mad at whoever did something as foolish as that.

A moment later, the ground began to shake. Andi clung to the top of the fence railing for balance as the earth began to pitch and roll with the mighty drumming of a thousand head of stampeding cattle. Fear began to wrap icy fingers around her heart. She knew that it could be deadly to be caught in the middle of a stampede, and Father and the boys had been right around the perimeter, moving the stock along. She strained up as high as she could, searching the writhing mass of cattle for her family. There! 

She saw Chad, fighting to get clear of the terrified steers. He was almost at the edge, he was out! Mitch had already muscled his way out of the stampede and was skirting the edge, just close enough to keep the cattle from turning his way. A second later, she saw Father. He and Caesar were still trapped in the middle of the stampede, the cattle swirling all around them like the waters of an angry river. Then Caesar rose up on his hind legs, lashing out with his front feet in an attempt to get clear.

“FATHER!” Andi screamed as he disappeared from view.

Almost as if they heard her cry, Chad and Mitch picked up the call. “FATHER!!”

There was no answer. The cattle surged past the corral, so close that Andi could see the fear in their eyes, but Father did not reappear. Caesar broke free and plunged off in the opposite direction. As the dust began to settle, time seemed to stand still. Chad and Mitch were dismounted, kneeling by a still form lying on the hard ground.

Tears began to roll down Andi’s cheeks. “Father?”

She felt movement on the railing beside her and turned to see Riley balancing on the second rail.

“What happened?” he whispered.

“Father—” Andi began, her voice filled with horror.

“Riley!” Sid came up behind them both and placed a firm hand on his nephew’s shoulder. “Come on, boy. We need to head on back now.”

“But what about Mr. Carter?”

“Come on, Riley. Now!”

As they walked away, Andi stared at the scene in front of her. Chad and Mitch were still kneeling beside Father, but he wasn’t getting up. She thought that she could see tears on Chad’s cheeks. Father must be hurt very badly. Chad never cried.

Eventually, Chad and Mitch stood up, lifting Father between them up onto Sky, Chad’s horse. Together, they wrapped him up in a blanket and wound rope around him to keep him from falling off. Then Chad mounted up and rode away, being careful of his burden.

Mitch gathered Chase’s reins and moved to mount, then glanced around the area one last time. As his gaze came to rest on her, his eyes widened, surprised to see her there. He slowly made his way over to the corral fence as she slid off the railing.

“Mitch, what happened to Father?”

Tears sprang into her older brother’s eyes and he turned away for a moment. Bending down to scoop her up, he brushed a loose strand of hair out of her face.

“Let’s go home, Andi. Let’s go home.”

**********

“Let’s go home, Andi. Let’s go home.”

Andi sat up and rubbed her eyes. The moon had risen, chasing away the shadows that had scared her earlier. Riley was squatting next to her on the rock, shaking her shoulder.

“Let’s go home, Andi. It’s really late.”

“The boys, did they come to find me?” she asked, sitting up and glancing around her.

“No, it’s just me. I already found Coco and tied him to Midnight. He was standing in the shadow of the trees over there; I guess he felt safer. We need to head home, it’s probably close to eleven o’clock by now. If I bring Midnight over here and give you a boost, do you think that you can get on him?  Coco seems pretty tired, and I don’t want him getting cranky and going in the other direction.”

Andi had been growing more and more awake the whole time Riley had been talking, and she slowly nodded as he jumped off the rock.

“Good. I’ll bring him here.”

In just a minute, they were both on Midnight and headed for home. It had taken a little scrambling and pushing, but Andi had been able to get up onto Midnight’s back without the help of a fence rail. Riley climbed on in front of her and started Midnight on a trot towards home.

Andi was ready to fall asleep by the time they rode back into the yard. Riley dismounted and tied Midnight, then turned around to make sure she got off alright. They walked silently towards the kitchen door, the moon lighting their path.

“G’night, Andi,” Riley said as he pushed on the door. It wouldn’t budge. He tried turning the handle all different kinds of ways, but it just wouldn’t open. An empty feeling began to settle in the pit of Andi’s stomach.

“They locked me out.” She sat down on the doorstep, tears welling up again. “They forgot about me and locked me out.”

“Aw, I bet they thought you were already in bed. Chad locks the door from habit, they didn’t do it on purpose.” Riley’s reassurance did nothing to help her panic.

“They locked me out!”

“I bet that we can climb that tree by your balcony, and you can get in that way. Do you think your doors are unlocked?”

“Yeah,” Andi paused, considering. “Yeah, I think they are. I bet we can climb that tree, Riley.”

“Exactly. It’ll be fun, just like a dime novel! Now c’mon, let’s go around to the tree.”

A moment later, they were both standing at the base, looking up at the monstrous trunk. The tree was thick and tall, and Andi’s room was on the second floor. In addition, the tree didn’t come close enough to the balcony to just drop down, she would have to drop from a branch up above.

“I’ll go first Andi,” Riley offered, “then you can follow me.”

“Okay. Just try to catch me a little when I fall, that looks far.”

“I bet it’s not that far in real life, let’s try it.”

With that, he reached for the lowest branch and swung himself up. Although she was normally a good tree-climber, Andi stayed safely on the ground until Riley dropped from the branch and stood up on her balcony, unharmed.

“It’s not that hard, try it.”

Grunting and stretching, she pulled herself up branch by branch until she reached the one above her balcony. After a little convincing, she closed her eyes and let go.

“Oof!” Riley grunted as she tumbled down on top of him. “Next time I think you should open your eyes for the landing, Andi.”

“Sorry,” she apologized, trying the door to her room. It opened easily under her small hand. “It worked, Riley. It worked.”

“Good. Well, I reckon it’s probably getting pretty late, and I don’t want Uncle Sid to get worried about me. I’ll see you tomorrow, Andi.”

“Goodnight Riley. See you tomorrow.”

Andi watched as he pulled himself back up into the tree, then scrambled to the ground and led the horses into the barn. She turned away from the doors and quietly opened her dresser drawer so as not to wake Melinda. Slipping into her nightgown, she was just climbing into the bed when she heard the chiming of the grandfather clock in the hall. Twelve o’clock.

Pushing her face into her pillow, she cried herself to sleep.

************

The next morning after breakfast, Andi headed out to the barn. Nobody had mentioned anything at breakfast about her being out so late last night, and she didn’t want to tell them. Mother looked like she was going to have another headache, and Melinda told her to go outside and play.

She decided to go say hello to Coco in the barn, and maybe even groom him. She wasn’t sure if Riley had had time after last night. On her way there, she saw Chad and Sid talking, and Chad looked upset. She frowned. Best to stay away from him today, especially if he was going to be in another grumpy mood.

She found Coco looking very pleased to see her, and she happily chattered to him as she brushed the tangles out from last night’s adventures. She was so intent on her task that she didn’t even hear Chad come up behind her.

“Andi?”

She dropped the brush and turned around, surprised to see him standing there. “Hi, Chad.”

“Andi, I . . . I have to say that I’m sorry. About you getting lost yesterday. I know that I told you that you could go riding without telling me, but . . .” he suddenly reached out and pulled her into a tight hug. “I’m sorry, little sister. I should have checked. Should have noticed when you didn’t show up for supper last night. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

She cried as he squeezed her tightly, then pulled away to try for a smile. “I forgive you, Chad. I should have told you that I was going riding, I just didn’t want to take the time to find you. I’m sorry.”

He chuckled softly. “That’s okay. Just let me know from here on out, okay?  It’s my job to look after you, especially when Mother isn’t feeling well. I know I haven’t been doing a good job lately, but—” he turned away to hide his face.

“Don’t worry Chad, I’ll tell you. I love you, Chad.”

“I love you too, Andi.”

She sniffled, comforted by the loving protection of his arms. “Chad?”

“Hmm?”

“Why did Father have to die and leave us here all alone?  Why couldn’t he have stayed here, or taken us with him?  Why didn’t God let us stay together as a family?”

Silence filled the air, broken a moment later by Chad’s weary sigh. “I don’t know, Andi. It’s not the way that you or I would have chosen it, that’s for sure.”

“It just seems mean. To take him so soon. He left us here alone.”

“We’re never alone, Andi. God is with us, and we have each other.”

“But I don’t. I don’t have anybody. Mother’s sick too now. What if she dies?”

The question seemed to stun them both.

“Well,” Chad hesitated, “I guess we’ll just have to cross that bridge if we come to it. As to why Father died, Andi, I — I just keep thinking about a verse I learned when I was little. Mother had us all learn it together for family devotions. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are My ways your ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

“What Isaiah 55:8-9 is saying is that even when we don’t understand what’s going on, or why things happen, or why Father died, we can trust that God allowed it. Even though it doesn’t make sense to us, and even if we would have done it another way, we have to trust that He knows what He’s doing. He knows what’s best.”

“But I don’t like what He says is best.” Andi whispered. “I want Father back.”

Chad nodded in reluctant agreement. “Me too. But that doesn’t mean that we can quit trusting because we don’t like the answers. That’s something I have to remember, and you do too. Things won’t always go our way, and we have to be okay with trusting when it’s not our plan.”

“CHAD!” Sid’s husky voice split the air, startling them both.

Chad gently released her, planting one more kiss on the top of her head. “I’d better get on out there, it sounds like Sid needs something important. Don’t forget what I said, though, and remind me if you want to talk about it some other time. Remember that I love you, okay?”

Andi dropped the brush in the bucket and gave him her biggest smile. “Okay, Chad. I love you too.” 

Part 3 – Chad’s Story: Father Would Have Done It Better

Chad dug his heels into Sky’s sides as they galloped along the green valley floor. His conversation earlier that day with Andi had disturbed him more than he would like to admit. Although he would never say so, he was wrestling with the same questions she had so innocently voiced that morning. And even though he knew that the verses he had quoted were true, it didn’t make them any easier to follow. They had been coming back to him a lot recently, taunting his unbelief.

It was not that he didn’t want to believe them, it just required faith. Faith that he didn’t have at the moment, and if he was honest, faith that he’d never really had as his own. He had always agreed with his parent’s faith, and it was usually enough to get him through almost every trouble he had ever gotten into, but it sure wasn’t enough right about now. His reservoir had finally come up short. His well of faith was empty.

He wasn’t sure how Justin did it. He was handling all of this just fine, like the capable family oldest that he was. He was sure that Justin was upset by Father’s untimely death, but if he was, it didn’t show very much on the outside. Everything Justin did was so put together. Why couldn’t he be more like Justin?  Handle it just as well. Justin wouldn’t have let Andi go off riding without telling anyone and end up getting lost. And even if she had, Justin would have noticed. He certainly wouldn’t have locked up and gone to bed without so much as a second thought about his youngest sister’s whereabouts.

Chad kicked himself mentally. He should have paid better attention, noticed and cared when she never showed up for supper last night. At the very least, he should have checked on her before he went to bed. Instead, he locked her out and forgot about her. Instead, Sid had to pull him aside and tell him that Andi was out until midnight last night because she’d gotten lost. Instead, she had to wait out on the range until her friend came to find her and bring her home, and then help her break into her own house because her family had locked her out.

He’d failed. Plain and simple.

Sky snorted, sensing his master’s irritation. Chad hated failing. Even worse, he hated someone reminding him that he’d failed, no matter how kindly they said it or how lovingly they meant it. He hated being wrong. He’d been made the fool in front of a man he had admired his entire life. It was one thing to get into fights and scrapes in school when he was a boy. It was another thing to lose his younger sister when he was a man. The one was excusable, the other was not. One was forgivable, the other would never leave his memory. Failures always remained ingrained in his memory, to remind himself never to make that same mistake again.

Failure was inexcusable.

His mental lecture was forced to stop as he reached the next task on the list of never-ending ranch work. It seemed like he was always learning about something else that had to be done. It was a lot of work, managing a ranch. And he was constantly bombarded by the knowledge that Father would have done it better. Father would have done everything better.

************

Chad turned the key in the lock and leaned his head against the heavy front door. It had been a long day, filled with physical and emotional stress. Now, the day was over, and he could finally relax for a minute. He had already checked to make sure both of his sisters were safely in bed, and Mitch was waiting in the library for a game of checkers.

Mother had gone to bed with another headache. They weren’t getting any better, but she refused to see Doctor Weaver about treating them. She kept on insisting that they were just from grief and stress, and they would soon go away, but he wasn’t so sure. In his experience, things that were going away weren’t getting worse by the day.

“Chad?”

He swiveled his head towards the library, then pocketed the key and headed into the cozy room. Besides the bookshelves lining the walls on three sides, the library boasted a sofa, gun rack, and Father’s desk. A huge oaken contraption, it stood in the corner, a formal yet friendly reminder of all that they had lost. He had thought about taking it out for Mother’s sake but decided against it. She was hardly ever in here anyway, and the room would seem empty without it.

“Chad?” Mitch asked again, waiting behind the ready checkers board.

With a sigh, Chad sank into the overstuffed chair opposite his brother. Instead of making his first move, Mitch leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees. “Alright, Chad. Out with it.”

Chad gave him a sideways glance. “What do you mean, ‘out with it?’”

“You know what I mean. Out with it. What’s bothering you?  You’ve been antsy all day and I want to know why.”

Chad sighed, leaving his seat to pace the floor. “I can’t believe it, Mitch. I made a greenhorn mistake today. Well, really last night. You know how Andi didn’t show up to dinner last night? And we all thought that she was in her room?  Well, she wasn’t.

“She went riding yesterday afternoon and got lost. Nobody noticed enough to go and look for her, so Riley went to find her after she wasn’t home on time. He finally found her and brought her home around midnight, but we’d locked the door on her. They ended up climbing the tree next to her balcony and getting in that way because she had left her doors unlocked. And the worst part was that she didn’t say a word about it to anyone. Sid had to find me this morning and tell me what happened.

“Do you know how that felt, to have him tell me that I had lost my little sister?  The man I’ve looked up to my entire life caught me in the worst mistake I’ve ever made. There’s no excuse for it. I’m a man and ought to know better. This isn’t like losing you in the mine that time, or running around the hills looking for fool’s gold. I was a kid then. I should have known better. Father wouldn’t have done that. Justin wouldn’t have done that. Why did I have to go and do that?”

Silence filled the room while Chad continued to pace. Finally, Mitch asked him a question. “Are you more upset about the fact that you lost your sister, or about the fact that you got caught losing your sister?”

Chad whirled around and glared at him, silent accusations lashing the air.

Mitch shrugged. “It’s just a question, Chad, not an attack. I’m just wondering what the answer is, because I can’t figure it out from your actions. I think that you feel bad about losing Andi, but you seem to be more upset about Sid’s correction of your mistake.”

“That wasn’t the response I was looking for! I expected—”

“I know what you expected. You expected me to say something nice and comforting like ‘it’s okay, Chad, all’s well that ends well. Andi didn’t really get that hurt or scared because of it.’

“Well, I’m not. You did make a mistake and you did endanger our youngest sister. Do you have any idea of how lonely she is? We’re all off doing our own work and trying to find our new normal since Father’s death, and where does that leave her? All alone, trying to grieve by herself because no one has time to be bothered with her.

“Mother would do it, I have no doubt, but she’s almost completely out of commission with her headaches. She’s counting on us to take care of Andi’s needs, and I don’t just mean making sure she gets enough to eat. Mother is counting on us to help make sure that she feels loved, and right now we’re all guilty of letting her down.”

Mitch slowly rose from his chair and walked towards the door. “It’s late, and I think we’re both too wound up for checkers. Besides, no sense in staying up so late when we have to get up in the morning. Just think about it, Chad. Which are you more concerned about?”

Chad stared at his brother’s retreating back while he pondered his question. What am I more concerned about?

He flushed as he realized the answer. I’m more upset about the fact that Sid corrected me than I am about the fact that I lost my little sister. She could have been hurt, or at the very least gotten sick from all of that cool damp air. And instead I’m kicking myself over the fact that Sid had to correct me on it.

He sighed and headed upstairs to his own room.

Father would have done it better.

***********

Once in his room, Chad collapsed across the bed. His gaze fell on the Bible lying neglected on his nightstand. It had been a while since he’d read it like he should. Reaching over, he picked it up, his doubts from earlier that day echoing in his mind.

Why did God allow Father to die? Why did He leave us to fend for ourselves here without him?  What happened to those scriptures I believed as a child?  Where is my faith?

My grace is sufficient for thee, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.

But I don’t want to be weak. I want to be strong, I can do it on my own.

Without Me ye can do nothing.

But I don’t want to do things with You, then I have to do them Your way.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.

What if higher isn’t better? What if higher just means harder, more painful, more heavy to bear?

He thumbed through his Bible, looking for the passage he had remembered the other day.

Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest… for My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

It can’t be more heavy to bear, that goes against what He promised. He promised that His yoke is easy and His burden light. He bears the pain with you.

The thought hit Chad like a lightning bolt. He hadn’t been trusting Jesus to bear the pain with him. No wonder he was feeling alone. He didn’t have to do it all alone. He didn’t have to try to be like Justin, didn’t have to do everything right like Father would have. There was grace for him. There was someone to share his burden

I need to trust Him to share my pain. That’s the only way the burden is lightened.

It seemed so simple now that he thought about it. So easy to do compared with how he had been laboring. All I have to do is ask.


Part 4 – Justin’s Story: Give It All Up

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways.

That’s certainly true.

Justin Carter sighed softly and dropped his head into his hands, resisting the urge to cry again. It had been five months since his father’s death the previous spring, and he had been buried in work ever since. He had moved to Sacramento to establish an office, and by all business standards had been doing quite well for himself. He had a number of well-to-do clients and had already won several cases.

“Mr. Carter?”

“Yes Tim?” Justin lifted his head in response to the voice at the door. Although Tim had never clerked before, he fit right in with Justin’s organization system and within a short time of arriving, it was like he had always been there.

“I have those papers you wanted on the Bentley case, where would you like me to put them?”

“Just put them on your desk, I’ll get them when I need them. I can’t remember, do I have any meetings today?”

“No. Mr. Carter. Are you alright?”

Justin looked at him in surprise.

“Forgive me for asking, but you look exhausted. I was just wondering if there was anything I could do.”

“No Tim, thanks anyway.”

“Anytime, sir. Oh, I almost forgot. Here is today’s mail. You have several letters as well as some business correspondence, which I sorted out for later. You received a letter from Fresno, return address Carter.”

“Really?  Where is it?”

Justin came around the end of his desk and took the stack of mail, smiling his thanks as Tim went out, closing the door quietly. Tossing the unimportant items onto his desk, he found the letter Tim had mentioned.

Melinda’s handwriting. I haven’t gotten a letter from her in weeks.

He sank into his chair and tore open the envelope.

October 14, 1874

Dear Justin,

I haven’t written you in a long time, but I felt the need to tell you about some of the things that are happening around here. It has been quite busy, but not in a good kind of way . . .

************

After reading Melinda’s letter, Justin folded it and stuck it in his vest pocket. Grabbing his coat and throwing a final glance around the room, he opened the door connecting the inner and outer offices. “Tim, take the rest of the day off. I have a few things to think through, but I’ll be back first thing in the morning. If you’ll put that file for the Bentley case on my desk before you leave, I’d appreciate it. Don’t forget to lock up.”

“I won’t, sir. Enjoy your walk home. The weather is nice this time of year.”

“Thanks,” Justin called on his way out the door. The weather was nice, but Justin hardly noticed the vibrant colors and brisk breeze. The nippy autumn temperatures were ignored in light of the letter’s contents. It had been very concerning, especially the part about their mother. They had already lost Father. They couldn’t lose her too. He hoped that the headaches were temporary, but there was no way to be sure how serious they were. At least, there was no way for him to be sure.

He could maybe go home for a visit, but moving home like Melinda had asked?  Out of the question. Home held too many painful memories. Besides, he was doing well for himself here. He had successfully settled into his place in Sacramento society. He was recognized in many circles as a promising young lawyer. Some had even recommended that he run for a seat in the State Assembly. He wouldn’t run for another year or two, but it seemed to be a very real possibility. He couldn’t give it all up just to go home.

He wasn’t needed to run the ranch. That was Chad’s department. His younger brother was born for that work, but while Justin didn’t despise the ranch, he preferred the excitement and promise of the city. He had far more opportunities here than he would ever have back home. Besides, Mitch was also interested in running the ranch. Two brothers made a team, three made a crowd.

There was no point in him going home to help run a family business when he wasn’t needed there. All of his training had pointed him toward doing what he was doing right now. He had successfully worked with Tim and trained him to be a great help in the office.

He was even hopeful that, in the next few years, he would be able to get married and start a family. All of that wasn’t likely to happen if he went back home. Fresno had very few people, most of whom had moved from Millerton. He knew all of those girls, had gone to school with all of those girls, and there were none he had thought of as someone he could marry.

He might be able to come home for a visit, if he could fit it in between cases, but he certainly couldn’t stay there. There was too much going on for him to drop it all just because of a letter. Mother’s headaches were definitely concerning, and he would do all he could to lighten her burden, but moving back was out of the question.

Geese honked above him as they flew overhead on their migration south. All of his wanderings had brought him to one of his favorite places, a little square near the courthouse filled with trees and benches. It was quiet here, the deep fall hues reflected in small pools and fountains scattered throughout the square. It was his thinking place.

For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil…

Thoughts of peace and not of evil? How can Father’s death be thoughts of peace?  It has brought our whole family nothing but heartache and sorrow, not peace. Mother is grieving, Chad and Mitch are trying to pull their own weight and learn how to manage everything all at the same time, Melinda is growing into a young lady right before our very eyes, and Andi won’t even remember what Father looked like. How can that be a thought of peace?

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.

Your ways are higher than my ways, Lord, I just wish that they weren’t so high that I can’t understand them. It sure would have been a lot easier if Your ways had included Father living to old age while Andi and Melinda grew up. Why can’t Your ways be just a little closer to our ways? It would help me understand.

***********

The sun had set by the time Justin left the square and headed back toward his home. He was renting a set of rooms from a well-situated boarding house while he established his practice. The hope was that he would eventually buy a house in one of the nicer areas of town once he got married. The more he looked at it, however, the farther away that dream seemed.

He was surprised to discover a visitor waiting for him. “Chad, what are you doing here? This is a long way to travel for a social call. You could have just wired if you needed something.”

A teasing grin stretched Chad’s face. “Aw, it was just as easy to hop on a train, chug my way up to the capital city, then track down your boarding house.” A glimmer of Chad’s former boyish self peeked out from where he had stashed it months ago to cope with the pain. Justin had been afraid it would never return.

“Well, since you’re here, what did you need that was so important you went to all that trouble to come here?”

Chad’s smile vanished, hiding his dimples. “I came to talk family business. Justin, I think you need to come home. Maybe just for a while, but you need to come home. Mother’s headaches are not getting better, and I can’t keep track of everyone and run the ranch.”

Justin lost it. “And you think I can? Just because I’m the oldest doesn’t mean I have to give up what I’ve worked for to come home and babysit everybody else. Let them take care of themselves. They can handle it!

“They aren’t infants, Chad. They don’t need someone to keep track of their every move. Let them be responsible for themselves. Let Melinda and Mitch take themselves to school and be responsible for their own homework and chores. They don’t need me to come home and tell them what to do.”

Justin paused for a breath. “They don’t need us to baby them. They’re old enough to take care of themselves or live with the consequences. I don’t see any reason why I need to go home just to count heads at night.”

Chad nodded in agreement, agitation driving him across the floor. “I know, I know. And I agree with you wholeheartedly. Mitch and Melinda can take care of themselves. Mitch drives him and Mel to school, they do their work. Mitch even has time to help out on the ranch – no less than I expected, mind you. The only problem is Andi. She’s still too little to take care of herself, as she’s proven to us amply in the past week or so.”

“What did she do this time?”

“She got lost. Went riding by herself and got turned around in the foothills. And do you know what the worst part was? None of us even noticed she was gone. Riley went after her once the sun set and brought her back. He had to help her break into her room because we’d locked the door on her. I thought that Melinda was keeping track of her; Mel thought that she was riding with Mitch. Mitch thought that she was playing when we got home and went to bed without telling anyone. Mother was having another headache and trusted us to keep an eye on her.

“She could have gotten hurt, Justin. It was scarier than I would like to admit. She needs someone to keep track of her all the time, something I just can’t do. I don’t have the time myself, and even if I did, she probably won’t listen to a word I say!”

Justin watched his brother pace the room, slowly wearing a path across the carpet. “I can’t move home, Chad. I have a business here. I have to keep it going. I have great prospects as long as I keep doing well. I’ll come home and visit for a couple of weeks, help keep everything under control until you get more on your feet, but I can’t stay. I’ve been offered two big cases that could make or break my career here in Sacramento. I have to take them. I’ll come home for a few weeks and then try to come back for Christmas. Not that I’m entirely convinced we’ll even have a Christmas, not with the way that Mother’s feeling. Christmas without Father might be too much for her, and she sounds weak as it is.”

“What if you take Andi back with you?” Chad suggested.  “She’s not in school yet, and she might find the city interesting. There’s so much to do here.”

“We both know that taking Andi from the ranch is like taking a plant from the sunshine. Sooner or later, she’ll shrivel up. Besides, what would I do with a child all day? I’m working.”

“And what do you think I’m doing?” Chad shot back, his anger aroused. “What do you think I do all day, every day, six days a week? More work than you’re doing, you can be sure of that.”

Justin closed his eyes, fighting to rein in his temper. It was coming to the surface easier now, with all of the grief about Father, and he was hard pressed to keep it reined in around Chad. Losing his temper would only fuel his brother’s flames, and that inevitably led to a violent explosion.

“Look, why don’t we talk about it tomorrow,” Justin said, trying to keep his cool. “You’ve been traveling, and we both need some sleep. Let me think it over and I’ll let you know if something changes by morning. Alright?”

Chad sighed, yielding to the wisdom of his logical older brother. “I’ll be going then. I got a room at a hotel, since I know your landlady doesn’t love having folks spend the night here. Oh, I almost forgot. Andi gave me this to give to you. I tried to tell her that she would be seeing you soon, but you know Andi. Once an idea is in her head, it has to be accomplished.” He reached out, a wrinkled piece of paper grasped between his fingers.

Justin took it with a look of amusement, then glanced at his brother, who was by now at the door. “‘Night, Chad, see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, Justin.”

The door fell shut behind him, and Justin sank into the comfort of his easy chair. A note from Andi. Well, it certainly looks like she worked hard to make it. I wonder if Melinda helped her.

A smile played at the corners of his mouth as he turned the envelope over and carefully opened it. Scrawled on the inside, in Andi’s clumsy handwriting and illiterate spelling, was a carefully penned note.

Deer Justin,

I miss seeing you evre day. I got lost yesterday, and Riley helpt me. Evrewon else forgotted about me cuz Im so little. Ar you going wear Father went? I don’t want you to. You wood have maked shure the others didn’t forgot me just cuz Im the littlest. I want you to cum back.

Luv, Andi

Justin sat back and smiled. Notes from Andi were always a treat, especially when she attempted to write them herself.

This one was different, though. She sounded so lonely. He could almost picture her pixie face, darkened at the sadness of being all alone again. He understood her letter perfectly. Chad was busy on the ranch, Mitch and Melinda were busy with chores and school, and Mother was still mostly out of commission. That left a lot of time for a little girl to be home alone, with nobody to play with or talk to.

But I have so much here, I can’t just give it all up to go home.

My thoughts are higher than your thoughts.

The dim light of the lamp cast shadows over the room as Justin leaned his head in his hands, finally acknowledging what he had been fighting all along. He needed to go home. His family needed him. He needed to trust God with his dreams and be alright that they might not happen the way he had planned. He needed to admit that Justin Carter, master planner, was not sovereign over the universe. He could not control everything that happened to him. It was time to begin trusting God, and start to understand the truths of the verses he had learned as a child.

For I know the thoughts I think toward you, saith the Lord… 

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.

Alright, I’ll go home. I trust You, Lord.

Part 5 – Mitch’s Story: Lay Aside My Dreams


“Well,” Mitch remarked as he urged Pal into a trot on the way home from school with Melinda. “Chad should be almost home, if he’s not already. I have to say, I’ll be glad that he’s back. The house just seems even more empty without him.”

Melinda nodded in agreement. “I know and I know Andi has especially missed him. It’s not much company, but she would see him when he came home for the noon meal and I know that she looked forward to it.”

“Maybe he’ll be bringing Justin home with him. He was going to see if Justin could come home at least for a little while. He said that—” Mitch cut himself off, rethinking the wisdom of what he was about to say. He was going to say that Chad said that he couldn’t handle Andi and the ranch, and Justin needed to help out if possible, but it occurred to him that this may not be something Melinda needed to know. She didn’t seem to notice his abrupt ending, though. Her thoughts were already far ahead.

Mitch settled in for the hour’s drive out to the ranch. If Melinda wasn’t in a talkative mood, it gave him time for thinking. It was the only time he got to himself these days. Mostly he liked to think about college. It was his hope to go to college after he graduated from the eighth grade next spring. Unlike Justin, however, he wanted to study agriculture so he could continue to work with the ranch. A degree in agriculture would help him run the cattle and crops side of the Circle C and free up Chad’s time to pursue his dream of a stellar breeding program.

Mitch loved horses and appreciated the work they did on the ranch, but he would just as soon work with cattle or cash crops. Chad, however, was another story. He was deeply in love with horses and would give anything to be able to work with them exclusively. Right now, though, Chad was all tied up running the day-to-day operations of the Circle C, taking on Father’s job after his death that spring.

One day, Mitch hoped that both brothers would be able to fully recognize their plans and interests, working together to manage the largest ranch in the state of California–maybe in the entire West.

“Mitch?”

Melinda’s question caught his attention, and his cheeks reddened as he realized she had been talking to him for quite some time. “Yeah?  Sorry, I was thinking.”

“That’s okay. Thinking about college again?”

He gave her a sheepish grin. “Yep. I just can’t help it. It’s so close, Mel, I feel like I can touch it. My dream of all these years is finally going to be recognized in less than a year.”

“That has to be exciting. I know that I would be excited if I were you.” She smiled, and it was clear that she truly shared his joy at the prospect. “Are you still hoping to go to Berkeley?”

Mitch’s eyes lit up. “Yes. They have one of the best agriculture programs in the west, and I don’t even have to leave the state. I wouldn’t want to go back east anyway, their idea of agriculture is probably cotton and tobacco. You can’t grow those things out here.”

“I’m sure they don’t just grow cotton and tobacco,” Melinda remarked wryly. “They probably have other crops that they mix in on occasion. But that is nice that you don’t have to leave California. I would think that would be scary, having to go back east all by yourself like Justin did.”

“Justin liked it,” Mitch countered. “And besides, he was born old. He’s always been so grown up. He’s been independent ever since I’ve known him, and that’s a whole sixteen years!”

Melinda’s laughter was like a song on a breeze. “You’re right, Justin’s always been a grown-up. But Mitch, what will you do if you can’t go to Berkeley next fall? What if you have to stay home and help Chad run the ranch?”

“I won’t.” He asserted confidently. “Mother and Chad and Justin have all promised I can go. There’s money set aside for it, and Father wanted all of his children to have as much education as they wanted. He was thrilled that I wanted to go to Berkeley, and he told Mother that I should go no matter what. Besides, Chad won’t make me stay home and help on the ranch. He knows how much this means to me. He doesn’t want to go himself, but he’s certainly not going to stand in my way.”

Melinda nodded in agreement. “You’re right. I was just wondering if you thought that they would say you had to stay home and help run the family business.”

“Nope,” Mitch reassured her as they turned into the Circle C driveway. “No matter what else happens, I’m going to college next fall.”

**********

“Mitch, can I speak to you for a minute?” Justin’s quiet aside grabbed his brother’s attention as they got up from supper that evening. As he had hoped, Justin and Chad had both arrived home earlier that day, and Andi had clung to their oldest brother like she would never let him go.

“Sure Justin, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to let you know that Chad and I are meeting in the library tonight after the girls go to bed, and I’d like for you to join us. We need to talk about a few things of importance to all of us.”

“Alright, thanks for inviting me. I’d be honored to join.” Mitch tried to contain his excitement at being invited to join his brothers. They almost never invited him to join their meetings, and he had finally gotten a specific invitation. He couldn’t wait!

A few hours later, the three Carter brothers convened in the library. Melinda and Andi had gone to bed, as had their mother. Now was their chance to discuss what had been going on lately, and to talk about those important things Justin had mentioned.

As Mitch looked around, he could see that this was no ordinary occurrence. Chad looked slightly troubled, and Justin was distracted by whatever clear purpose had brought them together as brothers.

After they sat down, Justin spoke first. “Chad, Mitch, I’ve asked you to come here tonight for a very specific purpose. It’s time that we accept our responsibilities as the men of this family. We have been shirking our duties, and I know that I lead the list of offenders. We have been ignoring the needs of our sisters, especially Andi, and we have not sufficiently eased Mother’s mind as she continues to deal with her grief.”

He got up and began to pace the room. Mitch was surprised. Justin was usually the collected sitter, while Chad was the impatient pacer. Tonight, however, it was like they had switched roles.

“I have been feeling a lot of conviction the more it has been brought to my attention that our sisters need us,” Justin continued. “Melinda and Andi both are still girls, and now they are without the guiding hand of the father that we have all had. They will be relying on us to help them on their journey to womanhood. Mother will certainly do all that is her role, but there is no need for her to do Father’s as well. The purpose of this meeting tonight is for us to come to the understanding that, in one way or another, we are all now parents. We are collectively responsible for raising our sisters to become lovely, honorable, God-fearing young women.

“Melinda will be the easiest. She remembers the most from Father’s teachings. Andi will need our guidance the most. We all know someone very dear to us who had much the same temperament as our Andi, and it ended up leading her astray. We must be as careful as possible to avoid letting the same thing happen to Andi. We must all consciously take on specific roles to help them.

“Father was so many things for all of us. We cannot replicate them on our own. We are too young and inexperienced, and we have other work and lives to handle as well. Therefore, I propose that we toss out some ideas of roles that are specifically suited to each person and what their strengths are. I personally feel that Mitch should be the most like a true brother, because he is the closest in age to both sisters and also the youngest himself.”

“I agree,” Chad broke in. “And I’m not so great with the advice part, either. You’ve got the wisdom and practical experience that is the closest to what Father had, Justin, so I think that you should make yourself as available as possible for all kinds of advice, as well as just being a listening ear. I know how helpful it was to know that Father would always hear me out and help me try to solve whatever problem was bothering me. Surely the girls need that too.”

Mitch nodded slowly, taking it all in. “I guess that makes sense so far,” he agreed. “I definitely think that you could be the advisor, Justin, but how can you do that if you’re in Sacramento?”

Justin glanced away, and Mitch watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. Finally, he turned around and simply said, “I’m staying here. I’ve already moved out of my boardinghouse and closed down my practice. I have a few more cases left to finish, but most of them I have been able to give to other, more experienced lawyers. My clerk, Tim, has agreed to move here to Fresno, and I’ll be setting up a practice here in town.”

“But Justin, you were so close to your dreams. Why did you give it all up to move back here?” Mitch couldn’t understand the wisdom of such a move. It seemed more like something Chad would do, make an impulsive move on the spot. Certainly not normal for the measured, thoughtful Justin.

“My family needs me,” was all he would say on the matter. Clearly it was a little bit of a sore subject.

Justin seemed to collect himself and finished outlining his thoughts. “Finally, I think we should all write letters. One to Andi, and one to Melinda. To be given to them on the eve of their wedding. That will be our final day on the job, so to speak, and I think it would be a treasure for them to have letters that we write now. In fact, I’ve gone ahead and assembled writing supplies for all three of us. I think that we should write them tonight, while all of this is still fresh in our minds. Any questions before we get started?”

Mitch slowly raised his hand, feeling like he was back in school again.

“Yes, Mitch?” Justin acknowledged him, a hint of a smile on his lips.

“Does this mean that I can’t go to college? Does this mean that I have to give up my dream . . . like you gave up yours?”

Justin sighed and rubbed his temples. “No, Mitch, it doesn’t necessarily mean that at all. Just because I felt the conviction to change my direction does not mean that you will feel the same conviction. I felt God specifically speaking to me about my responsibilities here, especially through verses such as Isaiah 55:8-9. If you feel conviction about your actions, then by all means obey the Spirit, but don’t change just because I changed. I had to come to terms with the truths of the verse.

“I had to be fully okay with the idea that God’s ways are higher than my ways. I had to learn to trust Him when He says, “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.” I had to be okay with following His leadership instead of charting my own path.

“His higher ways for me included leaving my Sacramento practice and moving back here, but His higher ways for you might be going to college at Berkeley now, or even going to college later. The point is, I don’t know what plans God has for you. That’s something that you have to seek Him about. If you need to change plans, He’ll make it very clear to you.”

Mitch nodded while Justin moved to set up the writing space. It made sense, what Justin said. God’s plans were higher than any that he could set up, and they may not even be anywhere close to what he was thinking right now. He just had to be willing to trust Him, no matter what He said.

Part 6 – Higher Ways Than Ours


June 11, 1886

“Riley!” Andi Carter bolted out of the house and tore towards the barn, papers in her hand.

Her soon-to-be husband glanced up from where he was tightening a saddle cinch and smiled, catching her enthusiasm. “Yes, Andi?  Slow down, don’t spook the horses!”

She reined in her steps just a little bit. “Do you have time to go riding?  I want to show you something. Or rather, I want to read you something. I know that it’s a little busy, with tomorrow being the wedding and all, but please?”

“Slow down,” Riley repeated. “I always have time for you. Now, where do you want to go?”

“My special spot?” She gave him a sly grin as she mounted up, still clutching the pieces of paper. They both knew that her special spot, now the newly formed Memory Creek Ranch, was off limits until after the wedding tomorrow.

“No, my princess, choose somewhere else. I wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise by showing you the house before the wedding.”

“How about Lookout Point?” Andi returned, admitting defeat. The spot she was referring to was a large rock jutting out on the top of a small hillock, giving a breathtaking view of the entire Circle C ranch.

“Sounds good. Let’s go.”

**********

A little more than an hour later, they arrived at Lookout Point. While Riley tied the horses to a scrub tree, Andi plopped down on the rock and surveyed the view. After a moment, she felt movement beside her. “The view is beautiful, isn’t it?”

Riley nodded. “It certainly is. Now, what are these mysterious pieces of paper you’ve been keeping from me all this time? Are you going to share?”

“Yes. You won’t believe this, Riley. These are letters. One from each of my brothers, written the fall after Father died. You have to read them. Here.” She extended her hand.

“Any particular order?”

“No, just birth order, I guess. Justin’s is on top.”

“Do you want me to read them aloud?”

“Sure, why not.”

Riley checked the order, then cleared his throat and began to read.

October, 1874

Dearest Andi,

I’ll never forget the first time I ever saw you. You were so small and helpless, yet one of the most beautiful babies I’ve ever seen. And you have only continued to grow more lovely with every passing year. Chad and Mitch and I will have our hands full warning off potential suitors once you are a young woman! 

You have such a sweet spirit that is already manifesting itself. Your deep compassion for any and all injured creatures, your innocent trusting nature and your fiery sense of justice will all have a specific purpose in God’s magnificent plan for your life. You are reading this on the eve of your wedding day. That means that there is a special young man with strong character and a deep love for you who is already being prepared as I write this.

Always remember, honey, before God formed you in the womb, He knew you. He knew where you would be born, who you would marry, and He also knew what happened to Father and how it would affect your life. Always remember that His plans are best, even when it doesn’t seem like it. As you get married and grow in your love for your husband, also make sure that you continue to grow in your love for the Lord. He is the rock that your marriage must be built upon.

You are still so young right now, so small and vulnerable. It’s hard to believe that in a little more than a decade, you’ll be married. I am currently overwhelmed by my lack of experience and the greatness of my responsibility. It is my prayer that you have the same happy childhood that I did, despite losing Father at such a young age.

I love you greatly, Andi. You will always be my favorite youngest sister.

Justin Thomas Carter

My prayer for you:                                                            

The Lord bless thee, and keep thee: 

The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:

The Lord lift up His countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.

Numbers 6:24-26


Riley shuffled the letter to the back and began the next one.

October, 1874

Dear Andi,

I can’t believe that you’ll be reading this on the day before your wedding. The idea of you someday getting married is not something I can easily wrap my mind around. I pray that you look back on your childhood with joy. It’s been a hard several months, and I can only imagine that it won’t be much easier in the years to come. You’ll have passed almost every single milestone in your life without Father. That’s not the way that any of the rest of us grew up, and that wasn’t my hope for you either. But, as I’ve learned recently, God’s ways are higher than our ways.

It was never my plan to be asked to raise my little sister starting at the ripe old age of twenty, but God’s plans are best. I can only hope that you’ll find the grace to forgive me for all of the mistakes I’ve made by the time I’m finished. It won’t be easy, and I know I’ll mess up, but I’m praying now that my mistakes aren’t tragic for you or anyone else in our family.

Ever since you first opened those blue eyes and screamed, I’ve loved you. I used to walk you up and down the floor in the library in front of the fire, keeping you calm and warm so that you could breathe. The doctor said that if you cried, you might suffocate because you were so little and were born so early, so I would walk you up and down that floor and sing to you. Nobody ever knew, and I’ll probably forget that I wrote this by the time you read it, so it seems safe to record my our secret. Since the first time I met you, you’ve been my baby sister, and you’ll always be that to me. Knowing you now, you probably won’t answer to that name by the time you read this, but know that it’s a term of the highest endearment.

Justin and Mitch and I are always on your side, and we’ll always fight for you. That’s what brothers do. If you’re reading this and have any doubts about what you’re about to do, TELL US! Someone I was very close to once made a dreadful mistake in who they married all because she was too stubborn to admit that she was wrong. Don’t be like that. If he’s out to hurt you, tell me, no matter what he says. I’ll shoot him myself if I have to. But if you are reading this and are a little horrified by what you just read, rest assured that I’m thrilled to death for you. Even if I don’t say it properly.

I love you to the moon and back, little sister. God bless you in your new stage of life.

Love,

Chad Aaron Carter


Riley chuckled then turned serious. “He was referring to your sister Kate, wasn’t he?” Andi nodded and scooted closer to Riley. “Chad really would shoot you if he thought you had less-than-pure motives, you know.” She grinned at his horrified look. Riley slipped the letter to the back. “One more,” he whispered.

October 1874

Dear Andi,

I’m writing this with a strange combination of sorrow and responsibility, as well as a healthy amount of fear. Tonight, Justin called me and Chad together for a meeting in the library. We’ve been in a bit of denial about the great responsibility that we’ve been given, and it was time for us to accept it in full. No sixteen-year-old plans on losing his father and then having to help his brothers raise his sister.

By the time you’re reading this, one of two things will have happened. Right now, Mother is feeling poorly and getting worse by the day. She is constantly plagued by headaches that keep her from functioning at all. I’m a little scared that we’re going to lose her too. Hopefully, though, she will be back to her normal self soon and you will only remember her as the Mother we all know and love. Either way, there’s no escaping the responsibility that we as your brothers have to you and Melinda. Thankfully, Justin and Chad both agreed that I don’t need to do a whole lot of parenting. I just get to be there for you.

Justin says that you’ll be reading this on the day you get married, and right now that seems a little too far off for me to imagine. You’re still a little girl, not much more than a baby, toddling around the house and chattering our ears off. It’s hard to think that one day you’ll be a grown young woman about to get married. I’m not even old enough to be thinking about marriage, I can hardly contemplate it for you.

I hope and pray that your childhood is happy, and that you are free from a lot of the turmoil and trouble that has disrupted your life so far. I can’t go back and erase some of the things that have happened to you, but I’d do it at the drop of a hat if I could. I wish with all my heart that I could have kept you from seeing what happened to Father. I hope that by the time you’re reading this you will have forgotten that awful day, but I think that’s not likely.

You just walked into a room, looking for anyone who could give a comforting hug. You’d had a nightmare about Father again, and Justin just took you back upstairs to bed. Chad and I don’t have any idea what we’re doing, but Justin seems to have this whole parenting thing down pat. It figures. He’s good at everything else, why not parenting too?

I’m starting to run out of paper now, so I reckon I’ll close this letter by saying that I love you, little sister. More than you will ever know. I don’t have to give up a whole lot to be here for you, but Justin and Chad are both making hard sacrifices, Justin especially. They’ll never say it, so I’ll tell you in this letter because Justin promised not to read them when he puts them away. Justin left a budding law practice in Sacramento to come back home for you. He was climbing to the top and was on his way to winning a seat in the state assembly. He gave it all up for you. He did it without a word and knowing him, he’ll probably never mention it again, but I wanted you to know how much he loves you.

Take care of yourself, little sister. Love God, love the man you’re about to marry, and know how much we all love you.

Mitchell James Carter

P.S. Maybe name one of my nephews after me one of these days? It’d be nice to have another Mitchell in the family.


Andi and Riley sat quietly for several moments after they finished the letters. Andi sat with her knees pressed up against her chest, fighting to keep the tears from sliding down her cheeks while Riley stared at the towering Sierras.

Finally, he broke the silence. “Wow. How special to have these treasures from your brothers. I can’t believe that they wrote to you all those years ago, and that they saved those letters for the day before your wedding.”

Andi nodded, not trusting her face to hide her deep emotions. “I always felt like Justin was my surrogate father, but I never knew how much he gave up to play that role. I guess I always thought that he meant to be there for me, that he had always done it. Had always planned on doing it. I never thought about how much he gave up to be at home for me.”

“I knew.” Riley paused to clear his throat. “I knew that he didn’t always live on the ranch, and I remembered when he lived in the city for a while, but I didn’t know that there was that much sacrifice involved in coming home. From Mitch’s letter, though, it sounds like he gave up quite a lot.”

“All of the boys’ letters to me mentioned that they hoped I would have a happy childhood, and that I’d forgive all of their mistakes, but I can’t think of any mistakes they would have made to forgive. They always did everything right, I guess. Things I might have been angry about growing up, I now see the wisdom in. They did what was best for me, always. At least, always that I can think of.”

Riley tipped his head back to watch the sunset. “You know, I reckon they were right. Actually, I know they were right. God’s ways are best. Look at you: you turned out just fine, even though it wasn’t the way anyone in your family would have planned it. I wouldn’t have chosen to have my mama get so sick that I had to come and live with Uncle Sid, but if I wouldn’t have come as a boy, I might not have come back, and we wouldn’t be about to get married tomorrow.

“God always knows what He’s doing. It’s us who get all confused and controlling. I am so thankful that I came and then came back, because it allowed me to meet you and eventually ask you to become my wife. If I could have gone back in time and changed something, though, I would probably have changed Mama’s illness.”

Andi pondered Riley’s words as they mixed with the verse that had been referenced in every letter.

Yes, Lord. Your ways truly are higher than our ways.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are My ways your ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9




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29 comments:

  1. From Faith
    Looove the story, Anna!!! Great job! You are VERY talented. πŸ˜€

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    Replies
    1. Yes, Anna, that was a couple of great backstories

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  2. From Katie Moen
    Wow Anna !!!! This is absolutely amazing! I love it!😊 You should keep writing.

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  3. From Sara M.
    Yes! Great story Anna, would love to read any more stories you write!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can go to the annual contest page and scroll down and find the book where her winning story is published.

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  4. From Emma Atcheson
    You are such a good writer Anna!!! I love the part where Andi and Riley read the letters from her brothers. So sweet!!!!! You definitely put a lot of thought into this story. Keep on writing!!

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  5. From Lacey
    This was so good, Anna! I really enjoyed it.

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  6. From Jenny
    Wow! Just WOW!!!!! That was SOO good Anna! I loved it.:)

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  7. From Sophie:
    The different points of view were really good, it was awesome

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  8. From Stephanie
    This was awesome!! Love the points of view!! Great job Anna!!

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  9. From lilyfaithjohnson
    This was such a great story i loved it!

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  10. From Isabel
    Loved the story *sniff* I’m not crying your crying😭😭😭 so beautifu πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•

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  11. From Carissa
    Great job! You pulled in my interest and my emotions. Keep working at your writing.

    ReplyDelete
  12. From Anonymous
    This story is amazing! It will go down in history as one of the best fan fiction stories. If I hadn’t seen who wrote it I would have thought it was written by Mrs. Marlow!

    ReplyDelete
  13. From Katie Moen
    Wow I finally got to finish it! Man Andis brothers are so sweet.😍😍 I just love the story!

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  14. From Anonymous
    That was such an amazing story!!!

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  15. From Elizah B.
    This was a beautiful story!

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  16. From Jalaena
    Wow I just finished reading The story it’s awesome Great job Anna

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  17. From Anna (Parks)
    So glad that everyone is enjoying it!
    ~Anna Elizabeth

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  18. From Tori H.
    Hands down is one of the best Fan Fiction ever!
    Wow! oh just wow, Anna!! that was AMAZING!! i LOVED all the POVs and the emotion and wow you did so well writing the letters too πŸ™‚ they sounded so, so sincere like the Carter brother’s them selves wrote them.
    That really brought tears to my eyes. it felt like we were right there at the Circle C ranch, or Justin’s office.
    Keep writing you have a talent!!

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  19. From A.D.
    I’m most definitely not crying here. 😭 This gives me a whole new look on the Carter siblings. I would never have thought of how much Andi’s brothers gave up for her and Melinda. Just one of the sweetest things ever. The part where the letters were read just had me balling from the first sentence in Justin’s to the last sentence in Mitch’s. I will be reading this story again. God’s ways are certainly higher than ours.

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  20. From Anna Parks (the author)
    Thanks! I’m so glad you liked it. Fun fact, I actually wrote the letters from each brother when I wrote their POV for the story. So when I was writing Justin’s part, I also wrote the letter from him. It was a whole lot easier to maintain their separate “voices” within each letter because I was already in their heads for their POV part. I am glad that everyone loves it, I had so much fun writing it!!!
    ~Anna Parks

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  21. From Ellen S.
    Hi Anna! I read this story a while ago and have been meaning to comment. It is really, really good! You did a fantastic job with all the different POV scenes and with keeping the characters in character. Chad’s, Mitch’s, and Justin’s letters were so super special (and I have to say that Chad’s letter was my favorite out of the three :D). The way you incorporated the passage from Isaiah throughout was very nicely done, as well. God’s ways truly are higher than ours!
    Again, great job, and please, keep writing! You have a gift!

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    Replies
    1. From Anna Parks
      Thanks so much. That passage has meant a good deal to me, and it was fun (as well as a good writing exercise) to see how it would apply differently to each character and their personality. I see different parts of myself in each of the Carter siblings, and that helped make it really fun to write. I am glad that everyone seems to be enjoying it!
      Thanks,
      ~Anna

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  22. -Anna Parks, I know I commented before but this story is so sweet, and so- I can’t even began to describe it in just words. It was such a good story, you wrote it very well, you put the Carter’s emotions in it so well, I am still thinking about it. I just reread it and my, even though I already read it once, reading it again was wonderful. It really really touched me. Thank you for writing that story.
    -Sara M

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  23. AndiCarter'sBiggestFanMarch 14, 2023 at 1:06 PM

    I love, love, love, love, love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You are so talented. God gave you such a great gift!
    I have read this story and reread it, and reread it again. SO GOOD! I cried buckets while reading it, especially reading parts 4-5. So sad, yet so inspiring at the same time. Great job!!

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  24. AndiCarter'sBiggestFanMarch 28, 2023 at 4:52 PM

    -Anna Parks, I have read this story over and over again, I can't seem to stop reading it! You are such a gifted writer, God has given you a great gift. You put the Carter's emotions in it perfectly, it was like reading a book by Mrs. M. I cry every time I read it, it's so wonderful. Such a good storyline and plot, I felt like I had just lost my father. Great job again and thank you for writing this story. I hope you keep on writing and that I see a lot more stories from you. Love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  25. Wow!!!!! That is such a moving story! Great job Anna! It's amazing how moving it is. PLEASE, keep writing! It was just like a book by Mrs. M. Thanks so much for sharing you storys!!!!!!!

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